


And if i should die before i wake (I pray the Lord my soul to take)

by Catherines_Collections



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angels, Character Study, Demons, Drabble, Gen, Impala, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, POV Second Person, Possession, Regret, The Winchester Family, mentions of Michael - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-27 00:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherines_Collections/pseuds/Catherines_Collections
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm afraid of you, he says and you fear one day he'll really mean it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And if i should die before i wake (I pray the Lord my soul to take)

**Author's Note:**

> That moment you accidentally write a thousand words because you are consumed by fandom feelings. Here we are. 
> 
> I do not own these characters or storyline or really anything in this. Please enjoy this short drabble on Winchester pain:).

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying. 

You can see the sparkle in his eye and the mischievous smile on his lips. You will chase him until you catch him and make all the faces you want in the process. You will get cereal afterwards and watch the funniest channel the motel TV has to offer. 

You are five and he is nine and monsters don't exist inside your bedroom. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying.

It's written in the crinkles in his eyes as he squints at the precision of your aim and the concerned tilt of his mouth as he adjusts your hand. The gun feels too heavy for your small hands and your mouth taste like led after you've fired it. 

You are ten and scared, he is fourteen and brave, and it is time you learn to hunt. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying. 

You grasp your aching hand as you read his face. His smirk is overly cocky and his eye is swollen from where you have punched him. Dad has already run outside shouting curses with your name in them and begun erasing you from the family business. 

You are eighteen with already too many horrors clouding your mind, and you need to get out of here. He is twenty-one as he watches you leave and no longer tries to stop you on your way out. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying. 

It's in the excitement of his smile as he pins you to the ground; the exhilaration in his eyes as he sees your face for the first time in years. 

You ask why he is here. He ignores you until Jess turns on the light behind you and he responds with an answer that has you sending Jess out of the room. 

You have a big interview tomorrow, but dad is on a hunting trip and hasn't been back in a few days, so you can reschedule. You begin to pack for the night. You are twenty-two when you get sucked in again, and he is twenty-six when he finally finds a partner. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying. 

His eyes are sad and expression somber. Your eyes are red and wet because the love of your life burnt to death on your apartment ceiling.

You've yelled at him so much since you've rejoined, cursed his name more than a few times for dragging you back. 

But now you are back, and you want revenge. You are twenty-two when you being to hunt again and he is twenty-six on a devoted search for dad. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says but he's lying. 

Or he's joking at least. There was a creature behind him, on him, nearly in him and you almost killed him to get it. His eyes are too tight around the sides and he laughs at your bad aim and blows it off like the dust they kick up behind the impala. 

You don't tell him you missed on purpose. 

You are twenty-three and you are beginning to realize how dangerous you can be. He is twenty-seven and still sees you as his kid brother. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says and you can't tell if he's lying. 

His expression is mixed. His eyes are closed off, his smile worn, and you've both seen so much-too much-on what started out as a simple search for dad. But dad isn't coming back and you can't wash the color of creature's blood off your hands. 

You killed kids today. Monster’s kids, kids who eat other kids, but kids none the less. 

He doesn't look at you as you get in the car and you both stare into the darkness of the open road. 

You are twenty-four when your eyes begin to grow tired. He is twenty-eight when he begins to see you as more. 

.

I'm afraid of you, he says and you fear one day he'll really mean it. 

His eyes are tired and dark but he's seen more than you. He never stopped when you took your break and you will never forgive yourself for that. 

You found out Angels are real. You met one, you released one. You played right into the games crafted for centuries by heaven and hell.

There are voices speaking to you that you can't always hear but you know are there now. 

You are twenty-five when Angels from heaven declare they have plans for you. He is twenty-nine when he sweeps you away before you say yes and hardly releases the wheel. The road before you is dark, but it is nothing compared to what's behind you.  
.

I'm afraid of you, he says and he's telling the truth. 

He doesn't say it through words but you've known him long enough to know he says things through actions. His eyes don't leave you, watching warily from where he is laid out on the ground. Your mouth taste like blood and his smile is small and scared. It isn't right; you've always been the smaller one. The one too scared to tell dad the bad news. But now it's him that's dying and not you. 

You want to say you're sorry. Scream out all your past wrongs and the tearful apologies that follow. But you can't. The creature inside of you won't allow it. 

So you are forced to watch as the creature inside of you kills your brother with your own hands, and made to watch through your own eyes. You are forced remember the pain and fear in his eyes, the anguished cracks in his small smile. 

You are twenty-five when you find Angels are actually devils in disguise. You are twenty-six when you become one. He is twenty-nine when he finds you are both meant for so much more. He is thirty when he denies the call and you accept. 

He is thirty when he dies before your eyes. 

You are twenty-six when you burn apart from the thing within you and pray you join him wherever he goes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and Kudos are much apprecitated! Hope you enjoyed:)!


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